Duo and Cartman vs The g-boys
by Apps
Summary: What happens when Duo gets landed in south park? Bringing back a cheerfully phsychotic fat boy named Cartman who thinks he's god? When Cartman talks Duo into playing tricks on the rest of the pilots what will happen now?
1. The Wrath of God.

Authors note: Ok people, this may be disturbing for some readers…

Authors note: Ok people, this may be disturbing for some readers…. kidding! It will probably be funny. (I hope!) Well…enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or South Park; I will not be making money out of this. No one sue me please.

Chapter one 

"Oh man I'm hungry!" moaned the braided pilot of Deathscythe hell, "When do we eat?"

Heero favoured the American with a death glare, before resuming his typing at the laptop. "You ate five minutes ago Duo."

***********

In south park… 

"Oh to hell with that!" came a loud shout from an obnoxious eight year old, sitting at a picnic table with a smaller boy. Smaller meaning…not so fat.

"God will come down and strike you with a lightning bolt…POW!!! No wait, it'll be lasers."

"Cartman, god does not have lasers," said the smaller boy irritably, "God does not kill you just like that."

"Shut up Kyle, I know what I'm talking about, God is coming, and he's going to take you down to hell…"

Suddenly, from behind the two god discussers, came a loud crunching noise, "What the HELL!!!" Screamed the fat one spinning around to see what was going on, spotting a large metallic suit behind him, he turned back to the other boy in triumph. "See Kyle, I TOLD you God would come, man he must really hate you to come this quickly, and he has LASERS!!! Ahahahahah! You gonna die!! He already got Kenny look!"

Meanwhile, poor Duo had become slightly confused… 

_ _

He stepped out of his Gundam looking around in something bordering on amazement. "This just does not happen every day, I mean, one minute I'm beating up mobile dolls, the next, wham, I'm here, looking at two kids arguing about god. Do I even believe in god? No, so why am I here?"

Walking down the docking ramp, he headed for the two eight year olds.

"God approaches!!!" Screamed Cartman, "Now you are going DIE small, puny, insignificant, Kyle. Bow down to god now, and he may spare you." Walking up to Duo he bowed down to him, "Mighty god, I am a faithful believer, kill this minion, and oh, here's a list of all the things I want from you."

Duo blinked, still confused, and said in a rather shaky voice, "what the HELL is going on? Will someone tell me where I am!!"

Cartman looked up at "god" unsure now. "God, you're in South Park playground, coming to visit your wrath upon the non believers"

"Huh?" 

"I mean, I thought you'd be better looking and all god, but still, at least you got the lasers right." 

Duo's brain, already going into overload because he was being worshipped by an eight year old, in a place he'd never heard of before, finally grasped on the one thing he understood. "You just called me ugly kid?"

"Damn right I did god."

Duo's eyes began to glaze over, getting a distinct zero system look about them, the kind of look Heero would give a hundred mobile dolls just before they were chopped into little pieces. "NO ONE calls the god of death ugly!!! Pay the price Mortal!!" and with that, he hit Cartman in the belly. 

It didn't do much. 

The fat around Cartman's belly wobbled a bit, but that was all.

"Ahahahahah! Is that the best you can do god? My body is protected by itself, of course, I am still your humble servant…"

Duo, feeling a bit guilty for hitting a kid half his age, said nothing…

To Be Continued…

A/N: Well let me know what you thought, review please, yadda yadda yadda, this will pick up and eventually be worthy of its rating.


	2. Oh my god, you killed KYLE!!! (Seriously...

Authors note: Hi, just me, hopefully things should pick up in this chapter

Authors note: Hi, just me, hopefully things should pick up in this chapter.

Chapter two 

"So God, you gonna kill Kyle now?"

The loud voice of Cartman broke through Duo's reverie as he considered the best possible solution to getting home. On second thoughts, he didn't regret hitting the boy.

"No, I am not going to kill…Kyle?"

"But god…" Cartman whined, petulance showing through in his voice, "Kyle deserves to die, you have got to crush the unbelievers so they go to hell!"

"Just…shut up." Duo massaged his temples as he tried to think. However, he wasn't given long. "Hey cool, is this you laser shooting spaceship god?"

Turning around Duo saw that somehow, Cartman had climbed up, and was perched in deathscythe's cockpit. "Aaaargh, get away from that!!!"

"Oh come on god, learn to have a little fun!"

"Why you…" Before Duo could yell anymore, the cockpit door swung shut, trapping the little fat boy inside. "Oh no oh no oh no!" Moaned Duo, "maybe he won't touch anything…" this hope was crushed when five seconds later deathscythe's beam cannon shot a bright white light at Kyle's head.

It exploded.

The cockpit door swung open again, revealing a jubilant Cartman. "Yeah! You killed Kyle, or at least your spaceship did. I'm Cartman by the way. What can I call you? I mean, after all, gods gotta have a name right?"

"Well, I'm Duo."

"Hmm interesting name, can we go kill some more people now?"

"NO!!"

"Come on…"

"NO!!!"

"PLEEEEEASE!!"

"NOOOOOOO!!"

Cartman sulked for a while before bouncing right back, "So where we gonna go then Duo?"

"Back to colony L4 where I was staying before I took it into my head to pick a fight with a mobile doll carrier."

"L4 huh? Is that where you keep the angels?"

"Angels?"

"Yeah you know, all that crap."

"Uh…right. No L4 is home at the moment, for me and the other pilots."

"Pilots huh, there's more than one god, justice will be dealt for the infidels then, the gods will visit their wrath upon the unbelievers."

Duo began to climb up to the cockpit, "Can you get off now? I need to go."

"No god, I'm going with you, damn, this is the life for me, helping god kill people, YES I HAVE FOUND MY CALLING!!!!"

"No, get off." Duo's attempts proved futile as he tried to shove Cartman off. In the end he had to give in. "Fine, but I will not be held responsible for you."

"Yeah, we can go and kick the crap out of people Duo."

"Just shut the hell UP!!!"

And with that Deathscythe hell left South Park.

To Be Continued… 


	3. The re-decoration of Nataku AKA How Cart...

Authors note: Many thanks for your reviews people, I really appreciated them, please send half your appreciation to d_d_duley,

Authors note: Many thanks for your reviews people, I really appreciated them, please send half your appreciation to d_d_duley, who is helping me write this. (You can find her other stories here on ff.net.)

Warnings: Bad language, a mad Cartman, and partial violence. (Also an irate Duo.) Heero will be slightly ooc. Also any Duo bashing or making him look like a wimp is unintentional.

Chapter three 

Back on colony L4 

"What the hell is that thing?" Cried Heero as Duo walked through the front door of the L4 apartment they were all sharing. (Courtesy of Quatre.) 

"Uh, guys…this is Eric Cartman." Said Duo, trying to disentangle his legs from the infuriating eight year olds arms.

Quatre blinked slightly and smiled at the believing in god destroying people fiend, "How are you Eric?" He asked.

Cartman looked at Quatre for a minute before kicking him in the shins. "You dare to question the servant of god? Now pay the price." With this final threat, Cartman stepped up to the confused Quatre and hit him in the stomach.

"Um…yeah, there is just one more thing," said Duo, flushing slightly, "He thinks I'm…god." There was a very, _very _long pause before the other pilots burst out in fits of hysterical laughter. "God?" Wufei asked, wiping the tears out of his eyes, "he thinks you're god Maxwell? Now I've heard everything."

During this brief pause Duo took the time to look around for Cartman, he had gone.

"Damn where is he?" Duo screamed, desperately searching the room for the fat boy, "he could do anything if we leave him alone!"

"Relax Maxwell, what can an eight year old d…" An explosion that rocked the entire building interrupted the pony-tailed dealer of justice. Duo shut his eyes whimpering slightly, "I know where he's gone, the Gundam hanger, oh _DAMN!!!_" 

"He's touching my Nataku!" Shrieked Wufei, grabbing his sword and waving it madly above his head, "I am going to kill that fat ass!"

Meanwhile… 

"Oh cool, god has a real spaceship, no wait, he has FIVE!!" Cackling insanely, Eric Cartman clambered up the side of Nataku, "Hmm, this could use some re-decorating, I know, I'll surprise god by painting it a pink colour, he'll probably like that."

For some unexplainable reason, there was a large bucket of pink paint in the hanger, Cartman seized his chance and grabbed the bucket, before working his way back up to Nataku's shoulder. "I know, pink smiley faces will look better." He whiled away the time by sloshing the pink paint all over the poor defenceless Gundam.

"Now, let's see if this pile of crap works, hmm, I know, what's this." Cartman had finished painting the smiley faces and, worming his way into the cockpit, looked around with interest, grinning slightly he pushed a small red button off to one side. Lights began flashing on the dashboard, and a loud whooshing sound started. "Hmm, gods spaceship has a self destruct button! Oh crap, I'm in it!" Cartman moved with amazing speed for his size, throwing himself out and behind some large barrels. Granted he was a long way from the ground, but due to his fat, he merely bounced.

As Wufei and the rest of the pilots entered the hanger, they saw…nothing; the only thing left was a couple of smoking walls. As Wufei stared in horror at the charred spot where Nataku had stood, Eric Cartman crawled out from behind two barrels. "Hey god; why have you got a self destruct button on your spaceship?"

Five figures slowly turned around, five pairs of eyes glared at Cartman, it was the kind of glare an Oz pilot would receive just before being crushed to pieces. Wufei slowly advanced on the fat form of Eric Cartman. "That," He said, speaking slowly and deliberately, "Was Nataku, you, just blew up Nataku." Before he could advance further however, a piece of red hot metal landed at his feet, a smiley pink face just visible as it slowly melted. It was…had been Nataku's shoulder shield.

Wufei's eyes began to take on a mad gleam, "You painted pink SMILEY FACES on Nataku as WELL!!!" He began to walk towards Cartman again, raising his sword up higher….

To Be Continued… 


End file.
